Clémence a quelque chose à dire.

For those wondering what Patrick Poles has been up to...

2012-01-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

...he's been busy being alt.

Clemence Recommends: Preacher

2012-01-26T05:25:00.000-08:00

In honor of finishing the Preacher series, I shall read no comic book today.

Forever and always, Tulip O'Harre & Jesse Custer.

Heart.

Uptight Roommate Loses In Court

2012-01-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

After a year of trying to set up a court hearing, ~~Uptight~~ Psychotic Roommate finally settled by giving my full deposit back. To be honest, I'm surprised it went that far, I mean what kind of person just refuses to give back your deposit, after you've threatened legal actions? Well, you meet all sorts of people in London.
Hear hear for a positive start to the new year, a year with no negative roommates, no legal battles, and a new haircut.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

MICKEY NEWBURY

An American Trilogy - Mickey Newbury

Heaven Help The Child - Mickey Newbury

Netflix VS LoveFilm Instant

2012-01-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Netflix,

Totally excited you guys finally made it to the UK! I signed up to your free trial as soon as I found out! Anyways, enough with the small talk...where the fuck is my Instant Queue? Why do you know nothing about my movie preferences when I've given you more than 100 suggestions through ratings? Do you really think I want to watch 'In The Bedroom' a story about a love affair between a teenager and a single mom? The answer is no Netflix, no I have no desire to watch 'In The Bedroom'. Also Netflix, when I click 'Not Interested' to one of your suggestions, do you think I'm just messing around and want you to put that suggestion back on 10 minutes later? What is your problem? I told you I don't want to watch 'Super Size Me', stop telling me to watch it Netflix! And don't think that I'm not on to you when your next suggestion is 'Super High Me'.
All I'm trying to say is, Netflix, maybe you should re-think your international strategy. Maybe, competing with LoveFilm's cheaper, bigger and better streaming collection wasn't the world's best idea when you didn't have enough content to start with? Or perhaps, instead of releasing a statement saying that you'll eventually get better, you could of postponed your launch to when you've acquired a few more licensing deals.
But hey, I'm sure you guys know what you're doing and that your recent 67.8% downfall in value will be sorted out once you've got all your angry investors off your back.

Best,
Clemence Poles

Clemence's Top Ten Albums of 2011

2011-12-13T14:52:00.000-08:00

1. Kurt Vile Smoke Ring For My Halo
[Matador]

2. Drake Take Care
[Cash Money/ Young Money Entertainment/ Universal Republic]

3. Implodes Black Earth
[Kranky]

4. Clams Casino Instrumental Mixtape
[Self-Released]

5. The Game Hoodmorning [no typo] Candy Corona's
[Self-Released]

6. Tim Hecker Dropped Pianos
[Kranky]

7. Jacaszek Glimmer
[Ghostly International]

8. Bonnie Prince Billy Wolfroy Goes To Town
[Drag City]

9. Oneohtrix Point Never Replica
[Mexican Summer/ Software]

10. Leviathan True Traitor, True Whore
[Profound Lore]

How to get rid of a guy chatting you up at a gig

2011-12-03T10:57:00.001-08:00

"Hey, so are you enjoying the show?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you here on your own?"

"Yup."

"Oh, so you're really into this band, they're great right?"

"No, I'm paid to be here."

"What?"

"Yeah, I'm what you call an alt prostitute."

"..."

"That guy on the drums, yeah, he paid me to fuck the singer after the show...

...yeah I figured that people in these alt events have loads of cash to spend on coke, MDMA, and drinks, so I thought, why not on alt pussy."

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

JULIA HOLTER

Julia Holter - Try To Make Yourself A Work Of Art

Julia Holter - Goddess Eyes

How long will I last in my next retail job?

2011-11-26T09:38:00.001-08:00

Studying business management has taught me a lot. For example, it has taught me that telling your employee that they are:

A. Not good looking, or

B. Should invest in womenswear

will not only not boost their productivity, but it'll probably make them less likely to endure working for less than £3000 a year.

Yeah, I didn't last more than 2 months.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

POLVO

Polvo - Thermal Treasure

Polvo - Tilebreaker

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

2011-11-26T09:29:00.001-08:00

Fuck you Bill Condon for ruining what I've anticipated the most this year.

How do you kill a mouse?

2011-11-26T08:26:00.001-08:00

Because although I'm prepare to suck the life out of it with a hoover, I just can't physically kill it with my own hands/shoe/pan without going complete ape shit.

Then I thought of how I'd address a similar difficult situation...so I paper-bagged him.

It helped me visualize 'dropping' a pan on the floor, rather than, killing a mouse on the floor with a pan.

If I knew that I'd have to deal with a mouse twitching on a glue trap at 8am on a Saturday, believe you me, I wouldn't of watched Ratatouille.

Hell, if I knew that I'd have a mouse climbing up my bedroom curtain only to fall onto my bed, I'd probably wouldn't of moved out of my parent's in the first place.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

LEVIATHAN

Blood Red and True - Leviathan

Brought up to the Bottom - Leviathan

Food Edition: Risotto Primavera

2011-10-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Meet Your New Sales Advisor

2011-10-10T04:36:00.000-07:00

After American Apparel I had sworn to never work in retail again, but after listing my entire belongings on Ebay ("Kenwood 3 Tier Food Steamer" anyone?) and having a boyfriend that lives £500+ away, I find myself in a photobooth in Kings Cross getting a CGI picture taken for my resume.
I mean for realz, how cyborg do I look on that picture?
I'd like to think that Transformers' grossing success contributed towards my employability.
Y'all, say hi to COS' latest addition.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS

CHELSEA WOLFE

Tracks (Tall Bodies) - Chelsea Wolfe

Movie Screen - Chelsea Wolfe

Food Edition: Baked Mushroom Risotto with Caramelized Onions

2011-10-08T16:39:00.000-07:00

Being the creative that I am, I used the leftovers to make risotto balls.

Y'all can now start inviting me to your dinner parties.

The Row's "Alligator Backpack"

2011-10-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know where I can get something similar? Unfortunately, I don't have £22,950 lying around at the moment.

Sex and Zen: Extreme Trauma (3-D)

2011-10-05T03:33:00.000-07:00

I'm definitely no stranger to sex on the big screen, from Friends with Benefits, The Notebook to No Strings Attached, you can say that I've seen it all.
Guys, I haven't.
Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy (3-D) was a complete game changer. Avid admirers of James Cameron's Avatar, please don't be fooled by the 3-D tag...this movie is NOTHING like Avatar.
A. It's a porno
B. Unlike No Strings Attached or any other film for that matter, no one got their penis chopped off to be replaced by an abnormally large horse penis which served the purpose of having sex with 10 women simultaneously.
Did you know that a horse's penis can kill you? Well now I do.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

BIG TROUBLES

Misery - Big Troubles

Engine - Big Troubles

Discovering Punchfork.com

2011-10-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

Because my last cooking attempt ended up looking nothing like pancakes, I've decided to step up my housewife game by doing one recipe a week.

I know what you're thinking, "Yo, like, didn't you say you were going to learn how to cook 6 months ago, and like didn't, but made great smoothies instead?". Well you are absolutely right, those orgasm smoothies were darn good, but it's autumn now, and I'm almost 22, I need to make more responsible decisions, like signing up to Punchfork.com and nailing the Baked Mushroom Risotto with Caramelized Onions rather than apply for a job.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Asrielle

Close My Eyes - Asrielle
Windows Come In - Asrielle

Flatbush Avenue (NY Edition)

2011-09-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

After purchasing a £500 Alexander Wang blazer, I came to the spiritual conclusion that I should from now on, only buy designer items. This conclusion might of been bolstered by my self perception of being wealthy after selling £300 worth of shit on Ebay (of which I had to refund £200).

So having an entire season of Gossip Girl on the back of my mind, I decide to go boutique shopping in NYC, specifically, Brooklyn.
Being a walking enthusiast, I decide to check out a Boutique called Zoe by foot. An hour later, I find myself in the middle of Flatbush Avenue.
Now, of course I'm not aware that I'm strolling around the most dangerous part of NYC...and unfortunately for me, with the world's best bagel in my hand.
Having my surroundings sink in, which ultimately is a homeless man speeding towards me with his hands aimed at my bagel, I decide to run. Run away from the homeless man trying to steal my bagel. Run towards safety. Run towards an organic grocery. Thank you Bedford Avenue.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Arthur Russell

Soon-To-Be-Innocent Fun / Let's See - Arthur Russell

Place I know / Kid Like You - Arthur Russell

Going to a TOOL Tribute Cruise (NY Edition)

2011-09-18T03:38:00.000-07:00

When I was 12, I was really into Donnie Darko, Tool and being pretentious.
I'm 21 now, and I'm still into Tool, so into Tool that I went to see a Tool tribute band called Schism, so into Tool that I went to see Schism in a 3 hour long boat cruise.
Sure, some comedy was involved in the decision to book another flight to New York to see a tribute band, but having finished a 541 paged book on Tool in French called "Reflets et metamorphoses", left me no other options.
Having said that, I forgot to take into consideration a minor detail, Tool fans are neither cool nor attractive. Tool fans wear flip flops, are bald or balding, have choreographed moves to selected Tool songs, what I'm trying to say is, Tool fans are active users on Craiglist.com.

CLEMENCE DOES NOT RECOMMEND...

SCHISM

Coney Island (NY Edition)

2011-09-16T04:55:00.000-07:00

After finishing my exams in May, my unemployment status forced me to waste my time with box-sets and porn; particularly Boardwalk Empire and screenshots of Miss Paz de La Huerta. Two months later, having romanticized the show, I jet off to Coney Island in New York City, because I'm convinced that the boardwalk is in Coney Island. (Despite it really being in Atlanta)
After witnessing the entire fan base of The Jersey Shore, my romantic notion of a walk on the boardwalk disintegrates into a 40 degrees walk towards heat exhaustion. If my memory serves me well, I think I even witnessed children burning to death on some of the rides. In other words, none of this:
However, despite being home-bound for 2 days with a fever and my summer dress tanned onto my body, I benefited 2 things from my visit to Coney Island:
1. Nathan's 2 Corndogs + Fries + Drink Meal Deal.
2. A Picture of this man.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

HARRY NILSSON

Living Without You - Harry Nilsson

I'll Be Home - Harry Nilsson

My dad's girlfriend made another video of me.

2011-07-30T03:55:00.000-07:00

...I've never met my dad's girlfriend.

Graduated

2011-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've officially graduated from Brunel University with a Bachelor's degree in Business Management & Marketing.
For those that care, I'm furthering my studies with a Masters degree in International Marketing at Kings College in September...YAY for me.

She plays a little saxophone, loves music, dances well

2011-07-21T14:45:00.000-07:00

So I've finaly been scouted for marriage...it's great...my mom is pumped up, my dad is pumped up, I'm fucking pumped up.

Here is the email my parents received...I've censored the eligible bachelor's identity with my own name and picture...it's funnier.

EMAIL:

It is now official Clemence actually asked me to look for a suitable groom for her as she feels I know her best!!! It is because of this huge responsibility that I write to enlist support. You have seen Clemence grow up and are well informed about us as a family and individually as people.

Clemence will be 30 on November 12th 2011. Born in Saudi Arabia she has studied till the 2nd Grade at the American School and completed International Baccalaureate (12th Grade) in Oman. She has also a Bachelor's Degree in Business from the US (Lynn University,Boca Raton, Florida) and post graduate diplomas from Geneva, Switzerland (IMD) and will be taking some further programs in Business at Harvard (Boston, US) this summer.
She is a caring and affectionate young woman, God fearing with good family values and commitments. She plays the drums and also a little saxophone, loves music, dances well. She is good at most games and has varsity level baseball and basketball. She has a good sense of humor is 6 foot tall, average build and looks. I have attached a few photographs.

She is intelligent and hardworking. She has been single handedly managing our family businesses in Middle East (Saudi, Oman, UAE, Bahrain and Qatar) for the past 6 years. She joined the company in 2001 and started with marketing and Brand developement at Jeddah and within 3 years took over as the Managing Director. She has grown the company from a modest 'mom and pop' operation to a well accepted Corporation (Switzgroup) and has pioneered our first real JV with the foremost US Bakery company Dawn Foods. I am writing to enlist your active support in introducing Her to some suitable young men of marriageable age. It is my opinion that the best matches will be young attractive, well educated men, preferably educated abroad, around 25 - 28 years of age. Men who have been exposed to different ethnicities, well travelled, intelligent and optimistic outlook on life and excellent family values.

2010 Christmas at home with Swiss Cons.

Jamaica at Pennycooks with Pappa

Jamaica for niece Leila's 2nd birthday

Satin Dolls (NY Edition)

2011-07-16T10:14:00.000-07:00

Having your legs spread out by a stripper called Marguerita can change you as a person...or at least, your views on Strip Clubs.

What started as the best night of my life (entering The Sopranos' strip club), ended as a very traumatic experience.

I guess it all started with me asking for a lapdance. Having no idea how 'things work', I just picked whoever seemed to have the largest tits (because I'm shallow). Unfortunately for me, she was the chatty type, leading me to find out things I had no desire to know; such as her being half Russian half Spanish, and perhaps being named after a pizza.

Then, I'm lead to some silent back room where a fat guy is grabbing some other stripper's tits...you'd think that would put me in the mood...it didn't. So here I am, rigid as fuck, having Marguerita doing something entirely different to my definition of a lapdance. I thought I was prepared for this, but I guess society doesn't prepare you for someone rubbing their half naked body on you, no matter how much porn you've watched.

The occasional, 'baby don't be shy', or her looking directly into my eyes whilst smiling did not help...all it did was make those 2mins feel like 57mins. There goes my 20 dollars.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

LUXURIOUS BAGS

Woolite - Luxurious Bags

All The Time In The World - Luxurious Bags

LOL of the Day: A Serbian Film

2011-06-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

I'm totally downloading this...I loved Avatar.

UPDATE:
Okay, so I saw the movie. Jokes aside, visually portraying a baby rape scene was extremely unnecessary. I take full responsibility for being fucked up now.

UPDATE 2:
LOL of the Day, more like NO of the day.

UPDATE 3:
Why did I watch this at 11pm on a Sunday again?

Remember how I said James Jagger is an asshole?

2011-06-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

...well, this is what we did to his friend (also an asshole).

Optic Nerve by Adrian Tomine

2011-06-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

Absolutely love this dude.

Follow me on Fluokids

2011-06-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

I now post shit on Fluokids...this time it's really music related.

I believe it's jogging or yogging

2011-06-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

You'd think that sitting around all day watching TV shows, then drinking yourself to sleep, would make you great at jogging, well I can tell you from first hand experience that it doesn't.
Not many people know this, but running also happens to be a weakness of mine (I'd like to believe, my only weakness). So I guess that doesn't really help me out in my "Hey, I'm going to wake up, have some orange juice, and enjoy this mediocre weather by having a jog".
It gets worse...I joined some virtual running programme run by some virtual coach (who goes by the name Christine Luff), where you get 'running tasks' set out for you for 3 weeks...I couldn't even fulfil my first task; running.
I say this, but it wasn't that bad (although it was), I did manage to score in perhaps 10 minutes of running/dying/blacking out/breathing heavily against a wall.
So will I be jogging again, as Christine has really been on my case for missing 2 days already...I really hope not.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Eric's Trip

Listen - Eric's Trip

Girlfriend - Eric's Trip

For those wondering what the legendary Patrick Poles has been up to...

2011-06-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

...this is it.

This Is A Book by Demetri Martin

2011-06-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

As you should know by now, I'm big on American comedy...so it comes to no surprise that I've bought Demetri Martin's "This Is A Book".
Being already a huge fan of his TV show, stand ups, as well as 'album', Demetri Martin definitely continues to impress with his book.
Here are a couple of my favorite bits. A definite 'Clemence Recommends'.

"Yeah. You're right. I'm going to put it up on my corkboard and never cash it. I think any guy who likes dolphins so much that he's willing to express it in his business transactions can just keep the money as far as I'm concerned.' - Checks

"If you were tiny, this could be a banner." - Fortune Cookies

"Ladies and gentlemen, we need you to get back to your seats and fasten your seatbelts immediately. There appears to be a serious mechanical failure with one of our wings, etc." - Frustrating Uses of Etc.

"Alien Commander: My council and I demand to see the Supreme Leader.

General Marks: Of course, Commander. I have already contacted the President, and he-

Alien Commander: Miss Universe.

General Marks: What?

Alien Commander: I demand to speak with Miss Universe." - Titles

"Idea: A horror story in which the world is invaded by creatures who are really good at tickling humans. It's no big deal at first, but then they won't stop." - Ideas & Opinions

"In Physics: Rate x Time = Distance

In Bed: Rate x Time = Prostitute" - Epigrams, Fragments & Light Verses

"My friend: I don't ever get to travel.

Me: Yeah, except for around the sun, every day, all the time.

Zing!" - Zing!

Worst Festival Hookups

2011-05-31T07:59:00.000-07:00

Primavera Sound 2011

Someday by Justin Bieber

2011-05-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

I just don't even know where to start.

I'm broke and unemployed (Limited Edition Chicago American Giants Jacket)

2011-05-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

...so I'm going to start selling stuff on Ebay.

Click here if you like what you see, or want to contribute towards my existence.

This is exactly how I'm going to celebrate my 22nd Birthday

2011-05-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

Chris Brown, being 22 years old.

Hipster Porn

2011-05-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ever wished that American Apparel expanded their brand into the adult industry?
I have...and frankly, I'm surprised they haven't yet. Think about it, barely legal looking babes, wearing assless tights fucking some dude with a moustache...gap in the market fo realz right? For once, we'd be able to buy what that Tiffany, or Candy wore in that gang bang scene, for once we'd be able to do the 'I like anal' look right!
I know what you're thinking, "Clemence you crazy, didn't they teach you that entering such market will damage their brand equity?". Well, to answer your thought, sure it could, but isn't it kind of damaged anyway? Would a little bit more pussy really make things worse? The answer is no, it would only make things more awesome.
Although, they may need to buy off my concept/idea pretty soon, because we've got X-Art who are totally owning it right now with their lomography/hipster-esque porn. (Currently obsessed with their Sasha Grey gallery)

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

DEATH GRIP

Guillotine - Death Grip

Beware - Death Grip

For those wondering what the legendary Patrick Poles has been up to...

2011-04-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

...this is it.

Marijuana. Harmless?

2011-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

In honor of 4/20, thought I'd post this, check out the rest at Collegehumor.

Photoflash

2011-04-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

Just rotatin' my tyres

2011-04-12T13:05:00.001-07:00

First time driving a manual...just saying.

The Orgasm Smoothie: Is it for realz?

2011-04-11T01:31:00.000-07:00

So I was meant to learn how to cook during my stay in Dubai...that didn't happen.

I thought we had a more pressing issue in our hands, can a smoothie really intensify your orgasm?

I wasted no time and went straight to testing.

So basically we are dealing with 8 ingredients:
1 Bananna
1 Cup Blueberries
1 Cup Almond Milk
1/2 Cup Peaches
1 Tablespoon Flaxseed
Dollop of Honey
Sprinkle of Ginger Root
Sprinkle of Ground Nutmeg
oh and Ice chips (let's say 1 cup)

Next, put all of that into a blender...and blend.

Now, I tried this drink for 3 days, just to make sure that nothing came between me and my orgasm, as I'm pretty sure going to Fatburger, TacoBell and P.F Changs all week long, would have only intensified my self hatred rather than 'myself'.

Day 4, I decided to hit the steam room for a little me time (i.e having sex with myself).

Guys, all I can say is, that you are one drink away from the best 3 minutes of your life.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

THE ORGASM SMOOTHIE

Has Dov Charney raped you?

2011-04-06T05:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'm not the kind of girl that would send nude pictures to my rapist. From the counselling, the suicide attempts or online support groups, I just don't think I'd have the time.
So please forgive me if I don't sympathise with either Irene Morales or Kimbra Lo for having been Dov Charney's sex slaves (I mean who hasn't).
In case you don't know who Dov is, he's the guy that everyone tried to sleep with for a bigger clothing allowance back in my American Apparel days, he's also the CEO of half of my closet, the clothing brand, American Apparel.
Basically, things kind of suck for him lately, from going bankrupt (for realz this time) to getting sued $250 Million on rape allegations.
Perhaps I'm not one to judge how one looks when being kidnapped or raped, but, I'm pretty sure it's the opposite of this:

What I'm trying to say is that we all know about the brand, I think the abundance of pussy shot campaigns pretty much sums up American Apparel's standpoint in women's rights. So by default, you kind of know what you are getting yourself into, and accept that someone is going to try to have sex with you by working there.
Then again, I guess not everyone can say no? Or stop themselves from taking naked pictures of themselves...it's honestly not that difficult though.
The trick girls, is to get Dov to have sex with you when you are under age, it's working for that Ruby Heartbreaker.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Pusha T

Touch it - Pusha T feat. Kanye West

Open Your Eyes - Pusha T

I ain’t afraid to drown, if that means I’m deep up in your ocean

2011-03-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

Just like you, I was pretty disappointed in Chris with how he handled Rihanna's face. Although, I believe that the marketing campaign for his new album (Chris Brown's Penis) has really moved people's focus towards his talents as a musician.
Honestly, I am not disappointed. It's definitely a step up from recording 19 painfully awful tracks (Graffiti) that you, as a listener, tried convincing yourself otherwise, by going through them a second time because you liked 'I Can Transform Ya" so much.
This album definitely shows a softer more sensitive side to Chris Brown.
After listening to "Wet The Bed", you find out that Chris Brown just really likes to eat pussy, nothing more.
Now, on a side note, I'm not sure men know this, but the last thing we want is for a guy to go down on us all night long, you know what, I wouldn't even want to have sex for that long. I know people go on about Sting and his 6 hour sessions, but, I bet you even Judy (or whatever his wife is called) find it as annoying as the rest of us.
However, comparing our vaginas to an 'ocean', a 'storm raining' on you...that we are totally down with, to be honest, I wish men were more poetic in bed.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Chris Brown

Look at me now - Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes

Deuces - Chris Brown feat. Tyga and Kevin McCall

Une soiree privee inoubliable et originale.

2011-03-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

I can't fucking wait.

Meet My New Mother-In-Law

2011-03-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

I'd just like to say that I love my Dad, he is the coolest and funniest individual in the world, and I wouldn't wish for him to be any different.
However, my new mother-in-law? Not so sure how I feel about her:
A. Having the time to customize all her profile pictures
B. Customizing those profile pictures
C. Creating a youtube account under the name '69sweetbum'
D. Creating a video montage with pictures of me and my half sister (Click here for Video)
E. Congratulating my dad on his success below that video

But hey, that's just me.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Mount Eerie, Julie Doiron and Fred Squire

Voice in Headphones - Mount Eerie, Julie Doiron and Fred Squire

Lost Wisdom - Mount Eerie, Julie Doiron and Fred Squire

Meet Amro

2011-03-01T06:25:00.000-08:00

Funny.

Thank you

2011-02-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

I've passed the 100 mark on Google Reader.

Despite talking constant bullshit, I do really appreciate you guys reading my blog, so thank you guys :)

Photoflash

2011-02-26T09:19:00.000-08:00

LOL of the Day: Thom is single

2011-02-21T15:47:00.000-08:00

He totally asked for it.

LOL of the Day: Who Is Arcade Fire??!!?

2011-02-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't seen these already, this is hilarious. You can find more here.

Triple Ice Cream Cone On Your Face

2011-02-14T07:19:00.000-08:00

The highly acclaimed DJ, Amparo Sanchez, makes a special appearance at Le Motel this Friday.

COME!

M&S' Ultimate Push Up Bra

2011-02-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

So, Valentine's day is coming up, and I thought maybe my rack is the reason why I'm not getting Ryan Gosling's attention, so I went and hit the boob store to see what it's like to be a woman.
According to the boob salesperson, the "M&S's Ultimate push up bra" is the best bra on the market, I had to investigate that statement.
I'll be honest here, having big tits is fucking cool, but, I don't think I have what it takes to be a woman just yet.
I just can't handle all the responsibilities of having a huge rack. I mean, it's still winter now, so I've got to put a coat on, a scarf...my bag's pretty heavy as well, and on top of that I need to deal with the 5KG on my chests? What if I decided to go for a run? What if I decided to wear a low cut top, do I need to put up with looking like a whore? Nah man, Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" taught me to accept myself a long time ago.

Clemence's Top 5 Superbowl Ads of 2011

2011-02-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

Whilst I continue working on my dissertation and getting off to Aaron Rodgers conference videos, I thought you'd might enjoy my top 5 favourite 2011 Superbowl ads. Oh, and also, what the fuck were the Black Eyed Peas doing during halftime?

1. Snickers: Lumberjack

2. E-Trade: Tailor

3. Mercedes: Diddy

4. Volkswagen Passat: Young Vader

5. Bridgestone: Carma

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;noembed&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;noembed&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;noembed&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;noembed&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;noembed&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;noembed&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

With Your Eyes Closed, Close Your Eyes Mixtape

2011-02-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

1. Missouri Waltz - Marideth Sisco

2. Always Farewell - Aerial M

3. Two Different People - Mark McGuire

4. Dry Eyed - Konntinent

5. Trapez - Black To Comm

6. Fortunate - Ethan Rose

7. You, Me and the End of Everything - Ben Frost

8. Endless Falls - Loscil

9. Girl Nap - Brian McBride

10. Nothing From No One - Bvdub

11. On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter

12. The Sinking Of The Titanic - Gavin Bryars

DOWNLOAD HERE

In light of me having insomnia these past few weeks, I decided to make a Mixtape. Enjoy.

Stop pooping

2011-02-04T04:56:00.000-08:00

'Leading global provider of specialized transportation and logistics services. Ever true to its humble origins, UPS maintains its reputation for integrity, reliability, employee ownership, and customer service.' - UPS

I find this quote extremely entertaining. You'd think that delivering a package, a small one at that, from London to Paris would be one of the easiest tasks for a a company that specializes in delivery, but somehow UPS found a way to:
1. Forget my package in their warehouse
2. Send my package to Germany
3. Not find the address in Paris
4. Take a week instead of 24 hours to deliver my package

I find it incredible how some companies can't even perform what they are selling. It's not like UPS also deals with terrorism, all they do is ship packages or whatnot from one place to another. It's like if I decided to provide a service as a masseuse. For those that don't know, I'm a renown terrible masseuse.
Sure, after £40 worth of international calls to customer service they came through and offered me a refund. Funny enough, it's been a month I still haven't received my cheque. I guess it's harder to deliver mail from London to London.

P.S: I found this tutorial on how to achieve the Rihanna/Angelina Jolie smoky eyes look. This is what I've been doing instead of working on my dissertation..looking Arab.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

Heavens to Betsy

Calculated - Heavens to Betsy

Axeman - Heavens to Betsy

The Uptight Roommate Chronicles: The last note

2011-01-29T11:37:00.000-08:00

Remember when uptight roommate wrote a note saying how she will leave dirty dishes in sink? Well, I found this note quite funny, considering.

So the Uptight Roommate Chronicles are officially over. While the notes and bullying might of been funny at first, things got a bit out of hand, 'uptight roommate' became 'stealing my deposit roommate'. From threatening me, to breaking the contract, this individual went out of its way to make my paid-for living experience as unbearable as possible. All I've got to say is, this individual, is going to going to suffer a whole lot legally, well that's what my lawyer says.

So for those who've been asking about my disappearance, I apologize, and sincerely appreciate that you read this blog in the first place. For what it's worth, I'm back, and I've got shit-loads of shit to blog about.

Photoflash

2010-12-31T12:58:00.000-08:00

Clemence's Top Ten Album of 2010

2010-12-31T12:47:00.000-08:00

1. Women Public Strain [Jagjaguwar]

2. Mark McGuire Living With Yourself [Editions Mego]

3. Brian McBride The Effective Disconnect [Kranky]

4. Beach House Teen Dream [Sub Pop]

5. Nicki Minaj Pink Friday [Universal Motown/Young Money Entertainment]

6. Earl Sweatshrit EARL [Self-Released]

7. Benoit Pioulard Lasted [Kranky]

8. Salem King Night [IAMSOUND]

9. Kanye West My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy [Def Jam/Roc-A-Fella]

10. Kylesa Spiral Shadow [Season of Mist]

It pains me more than my monthly period to leave some other artists out, but let's face it, I'm no music critic to do a top 50. So let's not forget Big K.R.I.T, Erykah Badu, Konntinent, Eluvium, Boduf Songs, OFWGKTA and Amen Dunes and the shit on my last.fm.

Things that piss me off

2010-11-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

1. Ugly people joining the cast of Twilight

2. Last.fm recommending me Male Bonding.

3. Cough syrups that make you cough more.

Clemence's laundry fail

2010-11-19T11:10:00.000-08:00

The sign on my sweater says to wash by hand, from general knowledge, I assume wool is a delicate material, so why, knowing that it's a terrible idea, do I put my favourite sweater in the washing machine, and not just any washing machine, one that runs for 4 hours and 12 minutes?
I can hold 7 intern-ships whilst finishing my final degree, but I can't fucking do my own laundry.
What's worse is that it's not the first time, once, I thought it was acceptable to put a fur coat in the washing machine. Where do I get all these great ideas?

Before

After

After attempt of wearing ridiculously small sweater

Side note: I bought the sweater again. Your welcome recession.

Stunfone keeps you G as fuck

2010-11-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

I know what I want for my birthday now.

The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear

2010-11-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

What the fuck was I doing in Paris?

His pussy game must be weak

2010-11-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

'I can't make up my mind on whether I want to do my final dissertation on Nike or Porsche'.
What is it with foreign people? Why are they so terrible at picking up girls, and dissertation topics?
Take this guy for example...3 messages in a row screams weak pussy game. Hell, threatening someone for not accepting your friend request doesn't really translate to 'Hey, this guy is pretty insistent into getting to know me, he must be a great guy'. It translates more into something off the film "Irreversible".

I'm not going to lie, shit pick-up techniques is also an issue amongst last.fm users. I'm sure many people get laid because they both enjoyed Taylor Swift's latest album, but, come on MikeyX1230, do you honestly think I want to have sex with you based on your music plays? Even worse, do you think that I'm not going to notice that you already tried chatting me up 4 months ago?

That being said, I'm not one to talk, my dick game is pretty much non existent, so maybe I should let Servii, 21, Male, Netherlands, know that I like that he is currently listening to 'Salem - Frost'.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

EARL SWEATSHIRT

Earl - Earl Sweatshirt

epaR - Earl Sweatshirt

Hugleikur Dagsson

2010-10-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

Give him some money here

The Uptight Roommate Chronicles: It's never going to end

2010-10-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

For fuck sake, this is ridiculous.

Davi Drak sent you a message!

2010-10-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

This is exactly why I keep my myspace account.

The Uptight Roommate Chronicles: The Comeback

2010-10-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

So uptight roommate didn't really like the fact that we wrote a note, hell, she didn't like it enough to write 3 notes, one of which was 2 sided...hey, at least she's efficient.

NOTE 1:

For what it's worth, I've been buying toilet roll, although, that's obviously going to stop now.

Notice the arrow at the end? That means there's more at the back.

NOTE 2:

Just out of curiosity, why do I have to pay £800 if I'll only be staying 2 weeks?

NOTE 3:
I didn't get enough time to take a picture of it, but all in all, it offered my rommate a renewal of her contract.

I guess I'm moving again. Fun times.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

THE CORIN TUCKER BAND

Half A World Away - The Corin Tucker Band

Riley - The Corin Tucker Band

Uptight Roommate, meet your match.

2010-10-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

After being told off for making too much noise (this at 1.30pm) doing the dishes that were left 2 days overnight by uptight roommate, we were left no choice, we decided to fight back...uptight roommate style.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

MARK MCGUIRE

Brain Storm (For Erin) - Mark McGuire

Brothers (For Matt) - Mark McGuire

College Season...

2010-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

...my favorite season.

The Uptight Roommate Chronicles

2010-09-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

Because uptight people are hilarious, I thought I'd document my roommate.
So far, we were lucky enough to have two hate notes in a week, one on the fridge, one on our bathroom door. I'll be honest with you, I'm really intrigued in where she/he's going next, creatively.

Monday:

* Written in permanent marker.
* Later was an attempt to remove it, such was failed.

Wednesday:

*Written on an evenly cut paper.

* Stuck with blue tag.

Then again, I could have it worse, I could have Sara as a roommate:

What I'm trying to say, is that I'm unemployed.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

METAL SWIM COMPILATION

BABY. CARROTS. EXTREEEEMEEE

2010-09-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

Things that are currently awesome:
1. Keanu Reeves on a bench.
2. Strutting Leo.
3. BABY CARROTS

Restes un mois de plus...pour decouvrir ton anus

2010-08-31T13:08:00.000-07:00

I have nothing against people recommending me on their current offers whilst shopping, however, when that offer costs about £950 when all I've spent is £30, It's kind of a waste of my time.
A. I've got braids, that either means I'm below legal age, or that I'm unemployed.
B. I've got a vagina, so unless this Iphone unlocking leads to owning a Mulburry bag, I'm not interested.
So come on Ranjid, use your common sense. I mean, it's exactly like a sales assistant at Zara letting you know that there's a £300,000 house available on the market, right after you've purchased your 90% Cotton/10% Polyester sweater, i.e. it's not the right time.
On the other side, today I've learned that it costs £950 to unlock an Iphone.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
WOMEN

Can't You See - Women

Untogether - Women

Happy Birthday Paul

2010-08-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

Everyone wish Paul a Happy Birthday, he's awesome.

Things that I found funny in Biarritz

2010-08-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

Merci Tonton.

Poll about brown levels

2010-08-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

How brown is Cem going to get during her holiday in Biarritz?

UPDATE:

Unlike popular belief, I did not end up with a Diddy brown tan. However, I've achieved a more Arabian level of brownness (Medium Brown would have been correct). I am not particular proud of that statement.

How to get ahead in advertising

2010-07-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

I find it disappointing that the world of advertising is nothing like Mad Men. To be honest it's not too far from a desk job. Difference is, in advertising, you have 'cool' props (i.e: the wallpaper from that Garden State movie) that decorates the office, just so that others know you understand 20 year olds and Saint Martin students.

This kind of fucks up my plan of getting a bathrobe with my initials on them.

New Mad Men season starts now.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

CARISSA'S WIERD

Die - Carissa's Wierd

Brooke Daniel's Tiny Broken Fingers - Carissa's Wierd

James Jagger is an asshole

2010-07-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

I just thought I'd dedicate an entire post on James Jagger being the ultimate fuckbag.

You'd think that one of the perks of being Mick Jagger's son would be being able to afford 20 to 5000 pair of Converse shoes. Apparently not, because our James here had to shove himself (quite brutally I might add) to the front of a free Converse giveaway queue, only for a pair of fluorescent-green kicks.

Why can't people be more like this guy?

I'm looking for an American agent...because I've got a great voice

2010-07-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's because my mouth is always open, but apparently, my face gives off a "Hey, please tell me how I can help you, or be there for you" message, when that's pretty much the last thing I want when I'm in cab. Yes, you have a great voice, but I think a "I've got a great voice and I sing" would have been enough pre-cab-journey small talk, rather than telling me about your sponsorship deal that went wrong and how your lifelong dream is to move to the States. Fine, I can relate to that, but still, perhaps share those ambitions with your friend Jeff, so that I can go back to listening to those new Deerhunter singles at peace.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
KONNTINENT

Dry Eyed - Konntinent

Numeral - Konntinent

Come to Kings Cross with me, I'll pay the cab!

2010-07-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

There was a time in my life (when I lived in a palace with fluorescent chickens), that buffets where part of my Friday routines. Fast forward to now, my Fridays tend to consist of a £1.50 egg sandwich from Pret a Manger.
So when Paul (i.e: friend) invited me to a €30 buffet in a castle, you can only imagine the thought provoking questions that went through my head.

Why is it acceptable to mix rice and pasta at a buffet, when on other days I get told off for wanting rice with my whole roasted chicken?
Is it because of the layout?
Does having food served on a longer table make it all acceptable?
The same goes with brunches, why is it okay to have scrambled eggs with pancakes and then have some lasagna?
What is it with buffets that makes us want to eat to the point of comatose? Is it competition, or the result of 'All you can eat' Chinese brainwash?

Regardless, even if I struggled to the brilliant beats of Drake's 'Over', that didn't stop that day, being the best/fulfilling day of my post Dubai life. Thank you.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
LA VAMPIRES & ZOLA JESUS

Bone is bloodstone - LA Vampires & Zola Jesus

Eulogy - LA Vampires & Zola Jesus

Mel Gibson: The best of

2010-07-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I thought I'd spare 10 minutes from my holiday in France to speak about Mel Gibson.
Man, what happened? I mean one minute he's doing 3 "Lethal Weapon" movies and "What Women Wants' and now he's threatening to burn down the house after he gets a blowjob. Whatsmore, he provided us with eloquent quotes such as:

"You're an embarrassment to me. You look like a f***ing bitch in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault." and "They (his wife's tits) look like a Vegas whore. And you go around sashaying in your tight clothes. I won’t stand for that anymore.”

I'm just going to say it straight, I don't think it's a good move for his career, I mean the racism was one thing, but now he's just pushed it, he has become the new Tom Cruise, and judging from the look of his new film with Cameron Diaz, that's not a good thing.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
BIG BOI

Shutterbugg - Big Boi

Tangerine - Big Boi

Why is Eminem so angry?

2010-06-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

Is it me or does Eminem have an awesome rack? I mean bare with me here, if you kinda look at the picture from a far, there is definitely some sort of B Cup situation. Is that what rehab does to you (i.e Amy Winehouse's tits)?
I'll be honest with you, Recovery is definitely a grower, that along with Justin Bieber's latest single "Somebody to love", sure the songs are probably not comparable, mainly due to the fact that Justin Bieber is a pretty happy guy, however, considering I never speak about music here, I should probably start making statements like this just to back up the fact that Company Magazine named this blog UK's top music blog.

P.S: If you happened to have seen on my last.fm that I've listened to "Piano Tribute Maestro - Baby (Justin Bieber Piano Style)" and "Lullaby Cover Band - Baby (Justin Bieber Lullaby Style),
ask yourself, why the fuck you haven't listened to it too.

Not Afraid - Eminem

No Love - Eminem

Convair Magicool

2010-06-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

So I've had my first internship this week, and it must be said, receiving emails like this is the reason why I want to get into advertising, that and Mad Men.
However, I think I killed any chances of me becoming a partner at CHI. You would think that coughing for a constant 10 minutes without any interruption is acceptable.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
WILD NOTHING

Summer Holiday - Wild Nothing

Chinatown - Wild Nothing

Rob Patterson

2010-06-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

I find it funny that this is what Rob Patterson looks like.

Countdown to being homeless: 2 weeks

2010-06-12T13:42:00.001-07:00

My experience here just keeps on getting better. I have 2 weeks to find a flat in London. Any help would be greatly appreciated; from advice on how to move a flatscreen TV on my own on a non existent financial budget, to letting me know if anyone is looking for a roommate.

This is awesome.

The Penis System

2010-06-07T23:38:00.001-07:00

Whilst going through my daily xvideos routine search, I thought to myself, are these penis growing surgeries actually performed by actual doctors or by porn doctors? I mean, I'm sorry but whoever is on that advert does not look like someone off ER. That tan screams 'Hello. I've been in a few adult movies'. Which brings me to my point, can men really trust these adverts? I mean, can a male porn-star really perform surgery? I'll be honest with you, I don't think they can.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
WALLS

Burnt Sienna - Walls

Soft Cover People - Walls

Clemence's Star Rating Primavera Review

2010-06-03T03:47:00.000-07:00

Ratings out of 5 stars

SUNNY DAY REAL ESTATE
* * * * *
Unlike popular belief, these guys are not a rip off "A Sunny Day in Glasgow" and "Real Estate".
What they are on the other hand is awesome, and my favorite act of the festival, even if I was amongst the 50 people audience, shouting the lyrics wrong.

BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE
* * *
I don't like being lied to. When you say that your next song will probably be your last, don't go on for another 20 minutes.

BUILT TO SPILL
* * * *
I wish I knew more of their songs.

PAVEMENT
* * * * *

THE CLEAN
* * *

HARLEM
* * *

SMITH WESTERNS
* * *

LIQUID LIQUID
* * * *
4 redbulls in.

LES SAVY FAV
* * * *
You can't go wrong with someone fat and naked.

THE FIELD
* * * * *

DIPLO
* * * *

LOW
* * * * *
Alone in an Auditorium, with fake stars on the ceiling, this was by far the most beautiful concert I ever been to. Grey's Anatomy x4.

THE ALMIGHTY DEFENDERS
* *
I can't really remember one single song of theirs, but I do respect them for taking the mic away from Florence Welch. Ownnnned.

CONDO FUCKS
* * *
I wasn't really paying attention. Did you know it's Yo La Tengo?

NO AGE
* *
Sound was awful.

WIRE
*
A part from the guy who wore a "The Wire" t-shirt, this was extremely painful to watch.

FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE
(no stars)
At least Wire had the excuse of being old.

FUCK BUTTONS
* * *

GRIZZLY BEAR
* * *
If I weren't sitting by the beach, I would have found their set painfully boring.

REAL ESTATE
* * * *

GANGLIANS
*

The rest of the acts on the bill were canceled.

Donde es centro de Espana?

2010-06-03T02:46:00.000-07:00

You would think that the parentheses between Barcelona would indicate that Girona is in Barcelona on Ryan Air's website...
So here I am, in Spain, obviously thinking I'm in Barcelona, searching for some sort of public transportation logo. My 5 years of Spanish skills obviously hasn't helped me in the slightest. "Where is the center of Spain" doesn't particular help you when you are lost. This is Clemence Poles (screwed over by her best friend) traveling on her own mode.
A 1.40 minute bus journey direction Barcelona, later, I find myself in the center of Barcelona (not Spain). I'll be honest with you, I am extremely impressed by how I found my way to my accommodation. You know what else impressed me? My negotiating skills...in Arabic. Now, just like you, I never thought I could speak Arabic, but Dubai unconsciously brainwashed me, I guess that explains why I believe women should have no rights.
Flashforward to Primavera. Was I prepared? I guess me wearing open shoes and a jumpsuit answers that question. Finding out I needed to pee was like finding out that a drug dealer killed my friend, the queue, the taking my clothes off without touching the urine filled cubicle was something I wasn't really prepared for. My next set of clothes didn't work to my favor either; try running in a maxi skirt.
Regardless, it was all worth it, even if I had to sleep in a park, even if I spent 6 hours in the airport, even if I arrived in London speaking only Spanish to customs, even if I needed 3 days of sleep to recover.
Stay tune for my Primavera star rating review.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
EMERALDS

Candy Shoppe - Emeralds

Science Center - Emeralds

Thoughts on PDA

2010-05-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

I understand the fact that it’s ‘hot’ outside (flip flop alert), but is it really necessary to wear a tank top right after your hickey session with Julio, your spring break lover? The answer is no. The only acceptable scenario would be if you were 12 and a slut. Sure I’d be excited that Julio cost only 20Euros an hour, but do I really want to inflict that on others? More importantly, I don’t particularly enjoy being stranded on a boat because Stacy and Jake are soulmates and by that, they need to block the lake tunnel, by having a heavy “I can be your hero” make out session. What I’m trying to say is that back in Dubai, you either get deported, thrown to jail, or killed for that shit. And also, PDA causes cancer.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
DEFTONES

976-EVIL - Deftones

CMND_CTRL - Deftones

Mais ca va tu peux sortir avec elle, elle transpire tres peu des fesses.

2010-05-06T00:53:00.001-07:00

Upon all the information one learns off facebook; finding out that your ex boyfriend is gay, or that John thinks the rain sux, I had to find out that my dad is getting married via his facebook status.
Yes, my dad is pretty connected.
Now, I have no problem with him getting married, but it's a renown fact that the worst way to announce your wedding to your daughter is a tie between a Facebook status and getting your daughter's arch nemesis to break the news to her.
So now, I'm considering getting pregnant, only so that I can announce it via twitter, let's see how Dad feels about that.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
LOW

Monkey - Low

California - Low

Funny of the day

2010-05-03T07:35:00.000-07:00

I personally wouldn't recommend O2 to anyone. Not everyone shares my sense of humor.

Are you not losing weight because you are a Muslim?

2010-04-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

You can only expect such comment from a gym instructor who is Australian.
Which brings me to my question, how was I not watching The Office (US) in 2005? Steve Carell had already wowed me with The 40 Year old Virgin, in addition, I even fancy John Krasinski, so what the hell occupied me for the last 5 years? With some self exploratory research, I realized that I was watching Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls. Hell, the latter I even forced myself through the last 3 seasons by fast forwarding it to the slightly interesting bits. And Prison Break? Just like I you, I didn't expect the show to be so true to its title for 4 season consecutively (tags; LOST and Heroes).
With all that being said I've learnt my lesson, which is why I'm going to be watching Dear John, and the Last Song.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
AMONG THE BONES

Under Earth And Soil - Among The Bones

Blackwater - Among The Bones

No time for siesta, time for fiesta

2010-04-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

I've almost reached a 2 year living point in London. What have I learned? Mainly that I'm not white. Have I dealt with such devastating life changing revelation? Not quite.
Right now I'm trying to figure out what ethnicity I'd rather be. Being Arab was fun for a while, but it doesn't feel right. Now, people have labeled me with the name Amparo Sanchez (courtesy Vodafone). After 5 margaritas enjoyed amongst friends (Sigu + Carlos the bartender), I decided that the Mexican tag had to be in direct result to me looking like Eva Mendes. With that being said, that doesn't bother me. What am I going to do now? Hit up every Tex Mex in London. Why? Because I can.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

GILLIAN WELCH

Revelator - Gillian Welch

Everything Is Free - Gillian Welch

Photoflash

2010-04-19T00:45:00.000-07:00

I Didn't Get The Job At W+K Mixtape

2010-04-16T02:59:00.000-07:00

01. Downfall - TRUSTcompany

02. You Can't Stop Me - Guano Apes
03. Control - Puddle of Mudd
04. (Can't get my) Head Around You - The Offspring
05. Fine Again - Seether
06. Hey Man, Nice Shot - Filter
07. Demon Cleaner - Kyuss
08. The Outsider - A Perfect Circle
09. Change (In The House Of Flies) - Deftones
10. The Red - Chevelle
11. I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
12. Decode - Paramore
13. Future Foe Scenarios - Silversun Pickups
14. Go With The Flow - Queens Of The Stone Age
15. Find The Real - Alter Bridge
16. Hunger Strike - Temple Of The Dog

DOWNLOAD MIXTAPE

Fear not, I have an interview at the local Tesco Express. Fingers crossed.

Ovaries before bovaries

2010-04-08T05:27:00.000-07:00

Why are Christian rock songs so melodically awesome? Does the power of God/Jesus give you musical skills? Or is there a secret community of famous talented artists producing these songs without our knowledge? This is something I've been thinking about quite thoroughly this week, in reminiscence to my trip to Brighton on Sunday.
Sigu and I thought it would be a good idea to do church in a foreign city for Easter, and boy were we right. Not only were the people really friendly, but there was the best christian rock band known to man (massive plus: lyrics on a flat screen). For a slight second I questioned why I wasn't a Christian, then I realized it was because of my undeniable resemblance to an Arab.
The fun didn't stop there, we went to Starbucks (for the sole purpose of it being humorous and top ten thing a tourist would do), then went to a 'casino'. Now, I never gambled in my life, well I wouldn't really call putting £5 in a machine gambling, but Sigu taught me the ways of fun. I eventually didn't win anything. That killed the whole 'Is Clemence going to be addicted to gambling?' controversial topic. This all happened in a time frame of 2 hours. We learned that Brighton is 15 minutes small.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
ERYKAH BADU

Fall in love (your funeral) - Erykah Badu

The Healer - Erykah Badu (via melophobe)

Photoflash

2010-04-04T14:01:00.000-07:00

Your mouth is minty fresh, if today was opposite day

2010-03-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

You know what's worse than having an empty fridge? Your gym not fighting for you (think Jacob fighting for Bella), when you ask to cancel your membership. Even worse, your gym not even asking you why you want to leave. I always thought gyms would do anything to keep you, I mean they always ask how I'm doing whenever I swipe my entry card, I thought that was code for "Virgin Active loves you, forever and always'. But no, I just got a form, the receptionists' full non-attention and the reality that what Virgin and I had, wasn't real, and was just purely on a credit card basis.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
SMOG

The Hard Road - Smog

Distance - Smog

Saint Clemence Day

2010-03-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

After realizing that there may be more to London than Starbucks, I decided to take up on the recommendations of an anonymous comment. With an extremely special day coming up, I attempted Bistrotheque. As you may see, I'm not a pussy when it comes to eating.

Pancakes with strawberries and maple syrup

English Breakfast

Not only was the brunch fulfilling, but I also experienced piano instrumentals of all of my favorite songs (What you waiting for by Gwen Stefani, Irreplaceable by Beyonce etc...).

Then, considering I've progressively created this obsession for cute animals (youtube tags; cute, puppy, kitten) we went to Hackney City Farm.

Terry, my partner in crime
Jack
Stanley, my arch nemesis

We've also learned that Hackney City Farm is a hipster hotspot. We were lucky enough to be fashion-pictured by Vice.
Jokes aside, I had an amazing day with my three favorite people in London/the universe; Alex, Adam & Sigu.

I need you to take a picture of my face

2010-03-22T03:38:00.000-07:00

There are 2 things I hate in life.
1. Being chatted up when my meal arrives
2. Being chatted up by two 40 year old Russians when my meal arrives.
How can someone be so selfish and deprive me from those 3 secs of pre-eating joy? How can someone be so selfish and deprive me from eating full stop? Do jokes about being able to understand french really get Russians laid?
So Clemence and I (yes, I'm so self involved that I befriend individuals who share the same name as me) decided to try something different; Dusk Till Dawn in Archway, specifically to check out Thrush Metal (Models in a rock band).
Little did we know, were going to end up in the most hipster-est night in London. We were fortunate enough to be in the presence of Marc Ronson, Kate Nash, those people who work/like/worship Vice, and some bassist that looked like Taylor Lautner. What were they all doing there? Heroin? I really don't know/care, however, I was greatly entertained. Mainly because of Sigu's (Clemence) fart jokes.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
DEATH IN PLAINS

Animals - Death in Plains

Life in The Woods - Death in Plains

Whoring myslef once again

2010-03-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

0.11min courtesy of Romain B. James

Papa Chie Sur Le Jardin Des Plantes

2010-03-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

Waking up in a penthouse apartment with a jacuzzi opposite a huge flat screen TV, followed by your dad + Claude singing a hit single whilst wearing cowboy hats may be the best way to wake up (Click here for live footage). I think it's pretty safe to say that my dad is the coolest dad in the universe.
Other discoveries made during this little trip:

a. My animal lookalike is a Firefox; despite the Red Panda sleeping on its own shit, I thought the resemblance was uncanny.

b. The plot of the Matrix.

c. 'Charcuterie pour partager' in Clemence terms means 'portion for one'.

d. Claude, my dad's BFF is hilarious.

e. Dad wasn't too impressed by the Jardins des plantes.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
RIVERS CUOMO

The World We Love So Much - Rivers Cuomo

Superfriend - Rivers Cuomo

Breaking Dawn, Page 700

2010-03-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

Fear not, I now have this.