Bruce The Funny Dog

Important thing with Demetri Martin: New Season!

Intimate Moments For A Sensual Evening

Would I have sex with Aziz Ansari? Ever since I got a hold of his DVD (Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening/BUY NOW) I've questioned my racist views. Now, I'm not really racist, it's just that being brown/mega foreign myself, I tend to not go for the un-blond-blue-eyed individual.
I'll be honest, this one is a toughie, I mean, there's no doubt that Aziz is hilarious and just down right awesome, but he is foreign looking, and would I want to put my kids through looking foreign? I don't think so.
Although, what if Aziz is extremely charming, almost irresistible in person? What if he made the best joke known to man? What if he likes the Twilight series as well?
I mean, at the end of the day, there is a variety of bleaching products on the market (I would know). Personally, I never really had the balls/vagina to try bleach, but I do occasionally apply foundation (white paint).
I guess I'll just put this one in my 'unresolved answers' box along with the "Would I date someone who is Australian" or the "What do I prefer, Burgers or Pancakes".

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG

I've always been fond of Charlotte Gainsbourg, from the soft melodies of 5.55 to her elegant Parisian style.
But now, with her new album IRM, I'm obssessed.
Beck and Gainsbourg sure do a great musical couple, one of the best albums I've heard in a while.

Heaven Can Wait - Charlotte Gainsbourg


Me And Jane Doe - Charlotte Gainsbourg

Year 2010

January 1st 2010. I literally can't recall a single memory past me holding on to my friends' penis. Although, I do remember throwing up quite gracefully whilst giving medical advice to my friend, for her throat ache.
Yes, I can no longer pride myself on being 'vomit-free since 1993', however, I can pride myself on my determination in dancing the night away despite not being able to stand, and, looking like this: I'll be honest with you, I am in no way proud of this. I thought I was heading towards being a mature drinker, that would enjoy the occasional glass of Johnnie Walker's Gold Label, with her dad and 50+ friends. But no, I had to kill that dream.
On the bright side, such incident has lead me to discover ways to better myself, for example:

Trying out power plates

And yes, that is exactly how I looked like whilst doing it.




Drinking Passion Mango Smoothies

And not those gay smoothies that only have fruits in them. Those hardcore ones with yogurt or ice cream.




Reading the Twilight Series

Even if it's more embarrassing than reading the "Da Vinci Code"



Attempting to cook Fried Rice

And being awesome at it.




Taking Pictures of myself at Brunel University

Just so that people know I'm having a good time.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
JIMMY EAT WORLD

Okay, these guys may have a lot of shit ballads, but these 2 tracks have to be the ultimate early 00's songs. I mean, don't they totally take you back to those days you'd drink Smirnoff Ice behind your parents' back? Or when you used to like Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World


The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

Noël avec les Polès

You'd think that being stranded in Kings Cross for 6 hours, fighting 4000 passengers and a hipster, would be worth it. I honestly don't see why I bother with Christmas, from my 25 year old Muslim uncle that tells me off for wanting a career and not being able to cook, to my Aunt who sprays me unconscious with a glitter can.
At least it's somewhat entertaining when you have your Grandma singing to the blaring hits of Susan Boyle (who I initially thought was Celine Dion) for an hour straight only to later pass out.
As you can see above, that's me, 'ecstatic' about the XXL non-branded pyjama I got from my grandparents for Christmas. The overindulgence didn't stop there, I was even fortunate enough to get a box of Ferrero Rocher, because despite me hating Chocolate (and everyone knowing so), it is the most thoughtful present one can think of. I'm not saying I'm not grateful, it's just that after finding out that Santa doesn't exist you kind of rely on your grandparents for things like ponies or cash on Christmas.

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...
GENTLE FRIENDLY

I'm surprise that this album didn't get a bigger buzz than it did, as it's absolutely amazing. One of the catchiest melodies I've heard in a while.


Lovers Rock - Gentle Friendly


No 808 on - Gentle Friendly

Gentle Friendly Myspace

Clemence's Top Ten Albums of 2009

1. The Lonely Island - Incredibad


I'm on a boat - Lonely Island

2. A Place to Bury Strangers - Exploding Head


It is Nothing - A Place to Bury Strangers

3. Beanie Sigel - The Broad Street Bully


Why Wouldn't I - Beanie Sigel

4. Atlas Sound - Logos


Sheila - Atlas Sound

5. A Grave with No Name - Mountain Debris


Stone Setting - A Grave with No Name

6. Notwist - Sturm






7. Sore Eros - Second Chants


In My Heart - Sore Eros

8. The XX - XX


Shelter - The XX

9. Telephate - Dance Mother


Can't Stand It - Telepathe

10. Mondkopf - Galaxy of Nowhere


La Dame en Bleu - Mondkopf

Dandruff in the air

I don't see the necessity in dissing the phenomena of snow. I understand where these cynics are coming from (the land of dicks), but having ice falling down or hitting you at a remarkable high speed, is way more impressive than having sand. (i.e. Dubai)
To further explore this thought provoking topic, I've made a pros and cons list about sand:

PROS:

• Sandboarding
• Camels

CONS:

• Having sand in your eye
• There's no getting rid of sand...it will stay with you
• You can't protect yourself with an umbrella
• Sand isn't refreshing
• You can't eat sand
• You can probably die from eating sand
• There's no such thing as a sandman

CLEMENCE RECOMMENDS...

JIM O'ROURKE

Therefore, I am - Jim O'Rourke


All downhill from here - Jim O'Rourke

Movember in Paris

Thank you for making my birthday special.